This is...

... A RIOT

Let’s Make A Music Legend Movie

Was I the only one to realize that ‘Ray’ and ‘Walk the Line’ were nearly identical in scope? Two completely different performers, geniuses in their own right, but they somehow got jammed into a template type movie format. Or at least that is how I viewed it. So here we go with ye ole ‘Hans Music Legend Movie Template’. Completely uncopyrighted, so Mr. Bruckheimer, feel free to use it.

Lets set ‘er up.

First pick your artist. Preferably he/she is still alive, but just barely. Should have had many obstacles in their career (drugs, bad marriages, deaths, etc) and should have sold a shitton of records. So far we have narrowed it down to anyone ever on VH1's behind the music, minus Styx.

We open with a reflection shot of the artist at the height of their career. Usually glaring into the spotlight, taken back by the 10s of 1000s of fans screaming their name, a moment of quiet reflection in an overly loud environment. And then we cut to the past…

The childhood is not going to be consistent but there will have to be something traumatic that happens (see blindness, death of a brother), I am almost positive they have to live in a small town, otherwise we will use dramatic license. We get a feeling of the love they have for their family, the one or two protagonists in the family, the hard work, the sweat, the poverty, everything that makes us empathize with our hero music star. At the end of the childhood flashback we want them to succeed so bad it just hurts and then they set off….

The starting/mid career scene usually gets the artist out of their shell. They either back up a band, tour endlessly, just play as a hobby, until….. They get discovered. This can be an audition, a gig even a tape being sent in, but whoever listens to that take has to just emote on their face that this is the best thing since toast (at least to me).

Now the fun part. It is just a classic rise to stardom. Lots of big concerts, the “cost of fame” shots. How’s about even a nice drug abuse montage? Sprinkle in a little more drug abuse (mandatory), womanizing/slutting around and/or divorces (mandatory), a couple of hit records (mandatory) and then…

The fall.

They must have a temporary fall, a drug overdose. The loss of a loved one, the divorce. Whatever happens, it has to be bad. I would recommend using that dramatic license I was talking about before. Really pour on the severity of this fall.

There may even be one more lapse, one more fall before we turn to…

Legend status.
And this is what makes those movies. Cash and Charles, you don’t get much better back storied and talented than that. But there are tons of options out there.

We see the artist back where we left them on the opening scene, staring into the spotlight reflecting on the past. They look over to their loved one on the side of the stage. Maybe even wink to them. And then kick into yet another hit song.

Roll credits. I personally would have the artist jump up and freeze frame like a Toyota commercial. Or maybe high fiving the bass player, those guys never get any props.

Talk to you soon Mr. Bruckheimer

Proud?

Proud parents? Looks more like scared, startled or terrified. Can you guys at least get a pic of them smiling? I'm sure there is one of him somewhere smiling and writhing around on the ground, he does a wicked good Bono impression these days. Not sure if it is the paparazzi or the yahoo entertainment staff, but let’s shape it up guys.

This doesnt mean anything..

And Im sure nothing will happen, but I had to post it anyway. Just wasting blog time.

This wed, when it's 2 minutes and 3 seconds past 1:00 am, the time and date will be:
01:02:03 04/05/06

For some reason this seems like it would glitch out some old computer somewhere but who am I to say. I did actually stock up on water, food and batteries for the Y2K bug. I still have some cans of Beef-a-roni left over.

Also... my current music obsession Canada. (see Broken Social Scene / Wolf Parade)

Ye ole food blog

This was written a while back to aide and assist all my fantastic friends who make me amazing home cooked meals.

This blog will be appended as I become a grown up and finally learn to eat my vegetables…

First things first… No seafood. If it comes from the ocean I’m not having it. Pretty strange that I hail from New Orleans and I don’t eat seafood. I do have childhood memories of seafood po' boys and fried catfish but something happened and I can’t deal with it anymore. Here is the biggest curveball in my food weirdness repertoire - I do eat sushi, but mainly only tuna and salmon. I had a friend who made me eat a spicy tuna roll in LA about 7 years ago. Maybe it’s the dosing of the fish in a lot of soy sauce and wasabi and having rice to dilute it, or maybe it’s the raw aspect of it. Who knows, but I dig sushi, just don’t try to stick a piece of eel or anything else weird in there.

Ok, let’s continue…

No curry (or Indian food) I don’t like the way you or I smell afterwards.

Pro cucumbers – anti pickles.

No Onions! Or anything in the onion family, this includes leeks, scallions, Peppers (red/green/yellow/etc/...) . I really dig spicy food though and I'm a big fan of garlic. The exception to this rule, I love French’s fried onions as well as Funyons and Ill scarf down an onion ring or two as long as it has the right batter to onion ratio- I guess that onion flavor 'sends me'.

No mayo. Who the hell came up with that? Exception – spicy tuna roll (see above).

No “salad sandwiches” I guess this goes along with the mayo one, but no egg salad, no tuna salad, ung. The ultimate 'meh!'

No olives. What the hell are those?

Tomatoes are reserved for pasta sauce and occasionally on a salad; they are not made for sandwiches.

Fruit does not belong in desert; it goes in smoothies, where it belongs.

Ammendment #1 (thanks sweetheart) - No coffee. The taste of coffee is disgusting! What are you people thinking! I can be that case study of the person who never drank coffee. PS I love Tea

So please don’t invite me to the curried eel and onion soup party, I would graciously decline. Or just bring a stack of bread to make my toast.

God I love toast…

Sponsoring your protest

Adidas! The official sponsor of your nationwide protest. This is a million-strong march and nationwide strike. Think of the amzing exposure for your product. It's a shame that AP photoshoped out the logo on the bottom of the shoe. Good thing the free daily left it in. Man I need new shoes...

That'll probably kill ya

Already a huge germaphobe and someone who thinks "the man" is constantly poisoning our food and water. My new position at Lime.com allows me to become even more paranoid.

After the jump...Cancer Pits