60 Minutes

Remeber when this show had credibility? I feel really sorry for the poor little bitch rat on the left.Stuck in rat prison about to be turned gay.

Team Captain

If I get first pick, this guy is totally on my team.
Sun Ming Ming of China holds a basketball in this file photo, October 6, 2006. The Maryland Nighthawks signed the 7 ft 9 ins center on Wednesday, introducing the world's tallest professional basketball player.

Alright Mr. Stern, it's time to raise the effin rims. This guy is going to break his neck. At least implement a rule that if he jumps up to his neck through the net and headbutts an incoming ball it is not goaltending but completely awesome and worth like 4-6 points.

It happened...

I got my job to pay me for drinking beer. See the post below to get the gist of it.

No toast left behind

Im glad to see there are still innovations
being made in the toasting industry.

More of the popular

Most Popular story on yahoo today (1.19.07)

Video game playing may fulfill innate human need Reuters - Thu Jan 18, 12:52 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Playing video games can satisfy deep psychological needs and, at least in the short term, improve people's well-being, new research shows.

Most Popular picture on yahoo today

A young Highland cow covered in snow at Carronbridge, Scotland, Thursday, Jan. 18, 2007, after heavy snow fell overnight.

Obviously these trends are leading to the inevitable creation of a game where who corral cute animals in a holding pen. And eventually blow them all away with myriad weapons.

If I can pull this off

So I pitched this idea for work, if it goes through I think they will be paying for my beer. Genius!

Living the Change, One Beer at a Time

With the recent explosion of organics, I've seen an ecclectic variety of products ranging from organic soap to organic dog food. What really piqued my interest was the last time I jaunted out for a beer at my local pub I noticed an ever growing list of organic beer on the draft wall. This list alone had 6 beers on it from different brewers, and after quick search on the internet I realized that there's a new component to the organics craze that I'd love to investigate.

Hence “Living the Change, One Beer at a Time” was born.

I am by no means trivializing the organic movement. I feel that the littlest and easiest things we can do to make a change are sometimes the most important. Things like changing light bulbs to CFLs, unplugging unused cell phone adapters, and buying local and organic products. These are the kind of changes that we can all make. These are the kind of changes that add up to make a big difference. And my change to organic beer will make give me that warm fuzzy feeling in more ways than one.

Lime's glossary has given me a good primer on "what is organic," and I am aware of the growing controversy within organic market, and I hope to learn a lot about the individual brewers' techniques as I tackle the tasting and reviewing. As I understand it now, the problem with organic ingredients in beer and liquor are the high levels of processing involved in making alcohol. Mashing, smashing, pasteurizing, etc... This isn't exactly “natural,” but, come on, I do enjoy libations. Why not at least try for the best ingredients?

The newest organic varieties tend to be from small brewers, although I have heard rumors of brewers like Anheuser Busch and Coors starting production on organic lines. I'll do my best to get samples and informational materials and share everything I learn about their brewing process and the usage of the new organic ingredients. But for the time being, I'm willing to go out and put some nice porters on an expense report. First reviews coming soon.

God, I love my job.

Rolling out the new features

So I figure I'll check out the most emailed story and most emailed photo on Yahoo and draw comparisons.

---

Most emailed AND most popular story 11.17.06
Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Expected This Weekend
SPACE.com Tue Nov 14, 3:15 PM ET

The annual Leonid meteor shower could produce a strong outburst this weekend for residents of the North America and Western Europe.

Most emailed picture 11.17.06
Brazilian student Cassia Aparecida de Souza, 18, holds her cat Mimi together with what Cassia claims are Mimi's own offsprings born with dog traits last Friday, three months after mating with a neighbour's dog, in the southern Brazilian city of Passo Fundo, Rio Grande do Sul state, November 15, 2006...the puppies are part of Mimi's litter of six, of which the three that were born with cat features died soon after birth, leaving the surviving three dog-like offsprings.

---

Observation - The metor shower is a sign of the end of the world. Lakes will run red with blood, it will snow in the desert and the great birth of the Cat Dog will begin their reign of tyranny over the humans.
I for one welcome our new Cat Dog leaders! Meow Ruff to you my friend!

side note - this is just like that Demi Moore movie, minus the Cat Dogs

actual nickname claimed to be unprintable

Courtesy of the wiki...Georgey's nicknames. I like the staff section the best.

If I ever refer to a country's leader as Pootie Poot, slap me.

"Altoid boy! Boy Genius! Get in here ASAP. Pootie Poot just called and said that Brownie and The Blade are missing! Get The Cobra and the Big and Little Stretch on the horn, we need to get this to the papers immediately."
____________________________________________

Self

• Dubya, 43

Family

• Poppy, 41, Old Man - George H. W. Bush [2]
• Bushie - Laura Bush (this is a mutual nickname) [3]

Foreign leaders

• Pootie-Poot - Vladimir Putin, President of Russia [4]
• Landslide - Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom [5]
• Dino (short for Dinosaur) - Jean Chrétien, Prime Minister of Canada [6]
• Bandar Bush - Bandar bin Sultan, ambassador to the United States from Saudi Arabia [7]
• Steve - Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada [8]

Staff

• Altoid Boy - Special Assistant Israel Hernandez (for his role as provider of breath mints to the President on the campaign trail)[9]
• Boy Genius (positive), Turd Blossom (negative) - Senior Advisor Karl Rove [10]
• The World's Greatest Hero (positive and negative) - Secretary of State Colin Powell [11]
• Guru - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
• Big O (current), Pablo (former) - Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill [12]
• Ari-Bob - White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer [13]
• High Prophet, Hurricane Karen - Karen Hughes, Special Advisor; Director of Communications under Texas Governor George W. Bush [14]
• The Blade - Office of Management and Budget Director Mitch Daniels[15]
• Big Country - Director of FEMA Joe Allbaugh[16]
• Brownie - Director of FEMA Michael D. Brown[17]
• Tree Man - Unnamed forest service official [18]
• Chuckles - Capt. Charles Higgins, Director of Public Health, National Park Service

Politicians

• Pablo - Paul Wellstone, Democratic Senator, Minnesota [19]
• Big George - George Miller, Democratic Congressman, California [20]
• Freddy Boy - Fred Upton, Republican Congressman, Michigan [21]
• Congressman Kickass - John Sweeney, Republican Congressman, New York [22]
• Speak - Dennis Hastert, Republican Congressman from Illinois and Speaker of the United States House of Representatives [23]
• Big O - Olympia Snowe, Republican Senator, Maine [24]
• Nellie (former), Benney (former), Benator (current) - Ben Nelson, Democratic Senator, Nebraska [25] (Daily Show, 02/28/05)
• Ellis - Chuck Schumer, Democratic Senator, New York[26]
• Bama, Rock - Barack Obama, Democratic Senator, Illinois [27]

Journalists

• The Cobra - Maureen Dowd [28]
• Stretch/Little Stretch - David Gregory, NBC [29][30][31]
• Stretch - Dick Keil, Bloomberg News [32]
• Super Stretch - Bill Sammon, Washington Times [33]
• Factor (current), Big O (former) - Bill O'Reilly
• (actual nickname claimed to be unprintable) - Dana Milbank of the Washington Post

Others

• Kenny Boy - Kenneth Lay [34]
• Weadie, Weadnik - author Doug Wead [35]

Someone loves the G, finally

Unfortunately, the love was removed 2 hous later.

Breakin' 2006 - bad translations

You are not equal to other dancers.
You are the baddest.

Fool, 75% of all insane dope breakers can throw it down on MTA subway stairs and don't forget to bring your posse (pictured is sunglass with newpaper homey aka Electro Rock 1 AKA Boogaloo Crawfish).

RE: Use of the "Reply to All" feature

Some of you may not be aware of this but there is a feature in your email program, in ALL email programs. That feature is named "REPLY TO ALL". This feature is available in all email programs as well as all web based email programs (yahoo, gmail, hotmail, etc…). This is usually NOT the default action when replying to an email. There is always the option to just REPLY TO RECIPIENT.

So you might ask yourself, when should I take the extra time and push that pretty Reply to All button? You would only want to use this feature to communicate with everyone in the group. Let’s try out some examples…

Good uses of Reply to All
“I have a car, who wants a ride to ”
“Let’s all meet at this time”
“UNSUBSCRIBE”

Bad Uses of Reply to All
“Sounds awesome”
Yes I’m sure the event does sound awesome, I can make that assessment on my own.

“What time does that start?”
You obviously have the internet. You can look up the website just as easy as any one of us. Get off your ass. If you do happen to get that information that MIGHT be ok to let everyone know when it starts. Asking the entire group is a dick move.

“I like wine”
Um. This one is pretty obvious. And yes I have received it before.

“Kewl”
Shut up

“stop hitting reply to all”
One of my favorites. You hate the Reply to All but instead of just sending your condemnation to the offender(s) you send it to all of us. You have become what you hate.

“hahahaha” "heh" "lol" etc...
That is great that you thought the email was funny. And instead of telling the person who send it that you thought it was funny, you send it to all of us. And thank you sooo much for typing all 3 letters to convey that sentiment, jackass.

Feel free to add your favorites, I'm sure this list will grow

Out of retirement

And moving at the speed of toast. It is 2 days past my birthday but not too late to buy me this. Let's get on it people.

ok ok

I haven't posted in like 3 months, my website has been down for 2 months and I am still tired. I promise more postings soon, oh yeah and a Career Club record.

This is...

... A RIOT

Let’s Make A Music Legend Movie

Was I the only one to realize that ‘Ray’ and ‘Walk the Line’ were nearly identical in scope? Two completely different performers, geniuses in their own right, but they somehow got jammed into a template type movie format. Or at least that is how I viewed it. So here we go with ye ole ‘Hans Music Legend Movie Template’. Completely uncopyrighted, so Mr. Bruckheimer, feel free to use it.

Lets set ‘er up.

First pick your artist. Preferably he/she is still alive, but just barely. Should have had many obstacles in their career (drugs, bad marriages, deaths, etc) and should have sold a shitton of records. So far we have narrowed it down to anyone ever on VH1's behind the music, minus Styx.

We open with a reflection shot of the artist at the height of their career. Usually glaring into the spotlight, taken back by the 10s of 1000s of fans screaming their name, a moment of quiet reflection in an overly loud environment. And then we cut to the past…

The childhood is not going to be consistent but there will have to be something traumatic that happens (see blindness, death of a brother), I am almost positive they have to live in a small town, otherwise we will use dramatic license. We get a feeling of the love they have for their family, the one or two protagonists in the family, the hard work, the sweat, the poverty, everything that makes us empathize with our hero music star. At the end of the childhood flashback we want them to succeed so bad it just hurts and then they set off….

The starting/mid career scene usually gets the artist out of their shell. They either back up a band, tour endlessly, just play as a hobby, until….. They get discovered. This can be an audition, a gig even a tape being sent in, but whoever listens to that take has to just emote on their face that this is the best thing since toast (at least to me).

Now the fun part. It is just a classic rise to stardom. Lots of big concerts, the “cost of fame” shots. How’s about even a nice drug abuse montage? Sprinkle in a little more drug abuse (mandatory), womanizing/slutting around and/or divorces (mandatory), a couple of hit records (mandatory) and then…

The fall.

They must have a temporary fall, a drug overdose. The loss of a loved one, the divorce. Whatever happens, it has to be bad. I would recommend using that dramatic license I was talking about before. Really pour on the severity of this fall.

There may even be one more lapse, one more fall before we turn to…

Legend status.
And this is what makes those movies. Cash and Charles, you don’t get much better back storied and talented than that. But there are tons of options out there.

We see the artist back where we left them on the opening scene, staring into the spotlight reflecting on the past. They look over to their loved one on the side of the stage. Maybe even wink to them. And then kick into yet another hit song.

Roll credits. I personally would have the artist jump up and freeze frame like a Toyota commercial. Or maybe high fiving the bass player, those guys never get any props.

Talk to you soon Mr. Bruckheimer

Proud?

Proud parents? Looks more like scared, startled or terrified. Can you guys at least get a pic of them smiling? I'm sure there is one of him somewhere smiling and writhing around on the ground, he does a wicked good Bono impression these days. Not sure if it is the paparazzi or the yahoo entertainment staff, but let’s shape it up guys.

This doesnt mean anything..

And Im sure nothing will happen, but I had to post it anyway. Just wasting blog time.

This wed, when it's 2 minutes and 3 seconds past 1:00 am, the time and date will be:
01:02:03 04/05/06

For some reason this seems like it would glitch out some old computer somewhere but who am I to say. I did actually stock up on water, food and batteries for the Y2K bug. I still have some cans of Beef-a-roni left over.

Also... my current music obsession Canada. (see Broken Social Scene / Wolf Parade)

Ye ole food blog

This was written a while back to aide and assist all my fantastic friends who make me amazing home cooked meals.

This blog will be appended as I become a grown up and finally learn to eat my vegetables…

First things first… No seafood. If it comes from the ocean I’m not having it. Pretty strange that I hail from New Orleans and I don’t eat seafood. I do have childhood memories of seafood po' boys and fried catfish but something happened and I can’t deal with it anymore. Here is the biggest curveball in my food weirdness repertoire - I do eat sushi, but mainly only tuna and salmon. I had a friend who made me eat a spicy tuna roll in LA about 7 years ago. Maybe it’s the dosing of the fish in a lot of soy sauce and wasabi and having rice to dilute it, or maybe it’s the raw aspect of it. Who knows, but I dig sushi, just don’t try to stick a piece of eel or anything else weird in there.

Ok, let’s continue…

No curry (or Indian food) I don’t like the way you or I smell afterwards.

Pro cucumbers – anti pickles.

No Onions! Or anything in the onion family, this includes leeks, scallions, Peppers (red/green/yellow/etc/...) . I really dig spicy food though and I'm a big fan of garlic. The exception to this rule, I love French’s fried onions as well as Funyons and Ill scarf down an onion ring or two as long as it has the right batter to onion ratio- I guess that onion flavor 'sends me'.

No mayo. Who the hell came up with that? Exception – spicy tuna roll (see above).

No “salad sandwiches” I guess this goes along with the mayo one, but no egg salad, no tuna salad, ung. The ultimate 'meh!'

No olives. What the hell are those?

Tomatoes are reserved for pasta sauce and occasionally on a salad; they are not made for sandwiches.

Fruit does not belong in desert; it goes in smoothies, where it belongs.

Ammendment #1 (thanks sweetheart) - No coffee. The taste of coffee is disgusting! What are you people thinking! I can be that case study of the person who never drank coffee. PS I love Tea

So please don’t invite me to the curried eel and onion soup party, I would graciously decline. Or just bring a stack of bread to make my toast.

God I love toast…

Sponsoring your protest

Adidas! The official sponsor of your nationwide protest. This is a million-strong march and nationwide strike. Think of the amzing exposure for your product. It's a shame that AP photoshoped out the logo on the bottom of the shoe. Good thing the free daily left it in. Man I need new shoes...

That'll probably kill ya

Already a huge germaphobe and someone who thinks "the man" is constantly poisoning our food and water. My new position at Lime.com allows me to become even more paranoid.

After the jump...Cancer Pits